How many Twitters would an Elon F**k if an Elon could F**k up Twitter?
One, but as it turns out, he’s doing it remarkably quickly. Twitter is losing integrity quicker than a wheeled polyhedron’s windows being shattered with a steel ball and I am 100% here for it.
You see, this is what happens to narcissistic tech types. You take your emerald mine wealth, you launder it in the public imaginary as being self-made, profit off of Technofeudalism and make people think its because you’re smart and not because you’re abusing “too big to fail” economic systems, and then you buy your vanity project.
People use this success story as a motivation to funnel funding into STEM (because what are you doing if you’re not modeling children’s futures after whatever billionaires are doing) and, as an opportunity cost in an arbitrarily zero-sum educational system, funding is taken from the arts.
Which is too bad, because that’s what Musk’s problem ultimately comes down to — aesthetics. From creating a hive mind (Neuralink), conquering the stars (Space X), to controlling the digital commons (Twitter), Musk has displayed wild degrees of Hubris. And, no one in his circle will tell him when he’s doing things wrong — because he promptly fires them:
And if you’re thinking “Hey! That’s what you get when you correct a boss publicly — it should have been done in private!”:
It is hard to deny the truth (even though Elon dirty deleted the tweets) that Chief Twit fired a dude because the notion that someone knew more than him in public was too heavy a cross to bear:
No one will be there to protect him when Nemesis comes. And by Nemesis I mean his multi billion dollar investment going belly up very shortly after he touched hands on it.
This is why we need the humanities, people! The commons are at stake without them!
Anyone worth their salt in aesthetics could have seen this coming a mile away back when he posted that accursed Elden Ring build. TWO MED SHIELDS ELON?!
I’ll be honest with you — I can’t see how this doesn’t hop fence into Elon’s other endeavors. His failure is its own metaphor. The only reason he doesn’t have to worry about the risk that the “one time he let a $44B ego purchase tank a stable, long running tech giant within 3 weeks time” will end up on Twitter is because Twitter is the $44B ego purchase that he tanked. It isn’t a question of if this shit will go viral, the question is when (well, it technically is because he may tank the platform where it would go most viral). When his broad daylight failure hits the fan, do you think people will still have faith in their Tesla stock? Space X? Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if Dr. Robotnik immediately distances himself from any association with emeralds after a fuck up this royal.
The best thing about this? A guy whose current shtick is stoking the “Anti-Socialist Moderate” sycophants who are too afraid to openly admit that they’re just simping for the richest man in the world, may actually have pulled off one of the biggest left wins for anti capitalism in recent history.
Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord™ in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s. He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at email@example.com and by tweet at @WritesForRent.