In our continuing effort to dive ever deeper into the various nooks and crannies of legal tech, we’ve taken up list creation by category.
This approach allows us to explore the topics lurking deep in the dark recesses of this world — you know, the sort you don’t talk about at parties.
To introduce the Above the Law “Reference Manual of Legal Tech Lists,” today I’m sharing “The 10 People You Will Meet at a Legal Tech Trade Show.”
Stay tuned for our tour of all aspects of the legal tech world in the coming months.
1. The Glutton
Like most business conferences, legal tech conferences feature lots of free food. I have definitely seen a woman shove an entire plate of food into her purse at a conference, and then there was the dude who dropped a bunch of bacon-wrapped scallops into his pockets. Look, some people come to these shows just for the food.
2. The Swag Gobbler
What’s better than free food? Swag! There is all manner of swag available at legal tech conferences, and it’s all there for the taking. Open up them purses, because this is better than grabbing 50 small hotel shampoo bottles before you head out to board your Delta flight. Let me tell you: I’ve never smelled fresher than when I’ve applied my official Above the Law underarm deodorant. Never.
3. The Noob
There are always people at legal tech conferences who’ve never been to legal tech conferences and whose expectations are wholly unaffiliated with reality. Oh, you thought this was going to be like SXSW, but for legal? Nope, we’re still trying to wean people off of WordPerfect. So, sidle up to an empty hotel chair, grab some passed hors d’oeuvres, and think about what you’ve done. Maybe next year, you’ll just get to Burning Man instead.
4. The Nuzzler
As the COVID pandemic continues to recede into the rearview mirror of daily life, people are getting closer. Like, literally. Remember the “close talker” (Judge Reinhold) from “Seinfield” — there are lots of folks at legal tech conferences who are going to be replicating that model of speech. Nuzzlers are also known to hug — even if you don’t like to be touched. The best remedy: Never leave your hotel room. You’ve got cable there, providing light and warmth, without any of the physical intimacy.
5. The Luggage Luggers
It’s not always possible to align your checkout time with the time in which you should be heading to the airport to catch your flight. Now, you’ve got to drag all your luggage around Branson for the rest of the afternoon. You can check it with the bell desk for several hours, but you still gotta go pick it back up later. So, maybe you just get another seat at lunch for your American Tourister, you American Tourister, you.
6. The Expert
You know, it’s bonkers — you wouldn’t think some dude running a solo practice off of spreadsheets would know everything there is to know about legal technology. And, yet, here we are. He told me he’s using “ChatTPG” to write all his legal briefs for him now. My dude — how are you not speaking at this event???
7. The Pitchman
Everybody’s got something to sell. I get it. But, do you have to sell it to me, like right now — while I’m trying to pee, here at this low-flow urinal. But, yeah: I would love to hear more about how your product — which is oddly similar to about 17 other softwares I’ve been pitched today — is really the one that’s gonna revolutionize law practice.
8. The ‘Positive Vibes’ Apostle
Good vibes, only. Right? Well, you know: It’s true that not every aspect of every conference is great. Some of the after parties are lame — just like some of the during-parties are lame. Some of the speakers are boring, and some of the presenters are redundant. Sometimes, your hotel room floods (not that that’s ever happened to me). Sometimes somebody brings a pangolin, and it gets loose during the keynote address … things happen. But, the positive vibes apostle is always chill. BTW — this person will write almost all of the conference recaps you’ll ever read.
9. The Ghoster
Quick, you’re at a lame conference event — what do you do? You just ghost. And, let me tell you: It’s the most freeing thing you can do. Just bounce; don’t even look back. Before you know it, you’ll be back in your hotel watching “History’s Mysteries” (not that I have any experience in doing this).
10. The Reply Guy
Everybody’s gotta post social media proof of conference attendance. Hey, bro — check out our booth, which looks suspiciously like every single other booth at this show! (Wow.) We’re not talking about inspiring social media content here — I mean, no one is literally curing blindness. So, why is this dude all up in my mentions? Commenting, hashtagging, sharing. Yeah, I want engagement, but not like this. Not … like … this.
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Jared Correia, a consultant and legal technology expert, is the host of the Non-Eventcast, the featured podcast of the Above the Law Non-Event for Tech-Perplexed Lawyers.
