The first week of law school I thought that I had finally arrived. I thought that about college once I finally graduated high school — high school was cliquey and the people didn’t really want to be there. College would surely be where all the folks that actually wanted to be in class were. The dream shattered when I got there and realized some folks were just there because of social expectations and the high school antics had carried over. But grad school? With the sheer amount of cash you have to burn through to get in? Surely this will be the collegiate environment where the entire classroom will be overflowing with bright minds whose additions to conversations are topical and poignant. Wrong. I was very wrong.
There I discovered the only thing worse for thought and thinking than advertisement. I discovered Gunners. And once I became aware of their horrors, I did my darndest to warn prospective 1Ls about the disillusionment to come if they walked the building halls as students instead of visitors. They listened, but they didn’t heed. When I inevitably saw them next semester, the story always went something like this.
I didn’t think I would be that bothered by them. I mean, I enjoy thought provoking discussions. But I have 6 hours of doctrinal classes back to back and in one we spent 45 minutes on just one case because the Professor was too nice to move on from questions that are clearly beyond the illustrative purpose of the case. Some of them aren’t even questions!? It was a 3 page excerpt on personal jurisdiction that was achieved through fraud. I mean, come on….
And as some redditors were quick to point out, it gets worse. Generally, whatever is on the syllabus fair game for the final exam. Let me rephrase that. If your professor gets bogged down for 30 minutes talking about how unethical the search warrant on Trump’s house was on the day that she’s supposed to talk about subject matter jurisdiction, you are expected to understand everything (and more) that she covered that day, front row bowtie guy’s soliloquy not withstanding. Best part? Nothing that guy says in the 30 minutes will be on the test. The next time you want to gripe about Biden wasting taxpayer dollars with student loan alleviation, I invite you to instead think about how much of your cash Steven in the third row from the front row squandered by trying to prove how smart he is to the whole class with his unrelated think thoughts. I’d say I hate to tell you so, but I gave up lying for my new years resolution. Sucks to suck!
Other people will hear your gripes and tell you to hang in there because it gets better over time. 1L scare, 2L work, 3L bore, etc. I’m here to tell you this is pretty much on par for the whole experience. This is your cohort for the next three years — you better settle into it. Because here’s the real kicker. Gunners don’t stop at law school.
Know those contrarians on twitter who think that the First Amendment applies to Facebook? Or the people that think not letting doctors prescribe horse medicine violates due process of the Bill of Rights or something? Gunner energy is abound and, like listening to DMX and noticing dogs everywhere, once you see it, you’re stuck seeing it.
Enjoy the next three years of classes!
Gunners…I Get It Now [Reddit]
Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord™ in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s. He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at email@example.com and by tweet at @WritesForRent.