Ed. note: This is an installment in the “Reference Manual of Legal Tech Lists. Read the prior installments here, and feel free to download your copy of the complete eBook using the form below.
You know what’s fun?
Using #legaltech to frustrate and confuse your friends and neighbors.
It turns out that there’s room for you to be a complete jerk outside of your 9-5, where you can only really infuriate your staff, coworkers, clients and referral sources.
So, if you want to step up your game and learn how to terrorize just about everybody — while using your existing legal software technology to do it — this list is for you, my friend.
1. Contractual Obligations.
So, let’s say you’ve put in a new pool, and, naturally, everybody in the neighborhood wants to use it.
But you’re a lawyer, and that means that you’ve got the right insurance in place, you’ve got a fence put in, and you’ve also probably got the solution that makes the water turn a dark blue when someone pees. You’re a total savage.
But you’re probably not making people sign formal disclaimers and a contract for use, before you let them dip a toe in your new swimming hole.
However, you can remedy that.
Send out those contracts for signature via case management software, customer relationship management software, or an e-signature tool, and button up those local relationships.
I mean, do you want to get sued by the parents of some kid who stubs her toe on your filter? (No, you do not.)
2. Govern Yourself Accordingly
Allow me to throw out another scenario for you: Your neighbor ever so slightly crosses into your yard while mowing his lawn.
Well, that’s a potential lawsuit, baby!
What if he trips on an exposed tree trunk and shatters his leg? Now, that’s on you?! C’mon!
How do you keep a dude like that in line?
It’s pretty easy actually: You simply generate a threatening letter from a template you have in your document assembly software, and let your fingers do the walking.
Let’s see if Cletus tries that ever again, once threatened by the power of the (virtual) pen.
3. Drip, Drip, Drip
Everyone secretly kind of hates drip campaigns. You know what I mean, right?
The constant messages you’re getting from Dick’s Sporting Goods, to buy new goalie gloves for soccer, and such. (Wait . . . Just me? OK.)
Try this one out: Once you get your friends and neighbors to sign your pool usage disclaimer, how about opting them into some truly inane drip campaigns at the same time.
How about a biweekly message about various treatments for ear wax? (Looking at you, Geri.) Or, what about an updated list of live polka concerts in the tri-state area? You get my drift.
Now, let your mind wander. Get your CRM or email marketing tool set up — and, you, too, can be this informative!
4. Auto-Replies for All!
You want to know a good way to get people to stop emailing you?
Build some micro auto-replies.
Literally, create graphic auto-replies for everything you do during the day, and set them for specific, shortened time frames.
Like, “I’m sorry I can’t respond to your email right now; I’m currently in the bathroom reading the Wall Street Journal on my phone. I will return in 7 ½ minutes.” Or, “I’m making myself an egg salad sandwich right now, but I should be back in about 10 minutes — incidentally, should I use paprika? Message back, and let me know soon — so you can get this autoresponder again!”
Your email volume will go down pretty precipitously. Trust me.
5. Formal Payment Systems
You know how everybody’s going all-in on Venmo, and all these simplified payment apps?
So, you get a pizza with somebody, and they’re making you pay for your portion via the CashApp. Awful, right? Especially if you want to weasel your way out of paying for stuff.
I have an alternate plan to suggest.
Next time that pizza order comes up, pay for the whole thing yourself; then, send a payment request via your law firm case management system client portal.
Force your frenemies to create a password to log into your system to view a formal invoice.
Make them set up a payment plan, for, like 50 cents/month. Build a follow-up architecture, to remind them about the invoice if they don’t pay.
Now, you’re probably not gonna get paid the instant expenditure, but, I guarantee you, no one is going to ask you to pay for anything, ever again.
6. Document Drama
Guess what else you can send through your client portal? Documents! So, if you’re coaching your kids’ soccer (and, if you want to be really annoying), send the team schedule and additional information out via your document portal in your case management system or productivity software.
(Actually, scratch that one: All those youth sports organization digital interfaces are way harder to use. Just keep doing what you’re doing.)
7. But, Mommy — My Allowance Is Only $20 per Month?!
So, yeah: you could use your reporting tools within your case management software to check on realization rate, or something like that.
But that seems like underutilizing the tool.
What if, instead, you used those features to develop KPIs around gifting.
You could track how much individual people spend on you for your birthday each year.
Or, you could do a deep dive into the average spend for each night of Hanukkah, and whether the eighth night is truly your most profitable.
I mean, imagine the next time you’re sitting down in front of the Christmas tree, and you’re like: “Sheila, last year, your gifts to me averaged $32.47 (which is, frankly, pretty weak) – let’s see how you did this year!”
Who said data analytics was noneventful?
8. On a Scale of 1-10 How Likely Would You Be to Recommend Me as a Potential Father-In-Law?
Of course your daughter’s new boyfriend is a sketchy character.
I mean, how could that not be true.
But, how do you know for sure?
This is a great time to use the intake form feature in your LPM software, CRM software or marketing automation program. Get your question set fired up now:
-What annoys you the most about my daughter? (A required question, of course.)
-List every website you’ve visited for the past three days. Name each one, along with your searches.
Of course, you can send the results directly to your daughter, as well.
Ain’t technology grand!
9. Survey Course
The good news is that the same technology that allows for intake form management will also allow you to create surveys.
What that means is that you can release surveys to your entire neighborhood, and publish the results. Imagine the potential opportunities:
-Does anyone else think Aaron is awful for not covering his recycling bin? Y/N
-Does Barry’s dog defile anyone else’s manicured lawn, while Barry just walks off, LIKE I DON’T HAVE A RING DOORBELL, BARRY? Y/N
The possibilities are endless, as are your opportunities to cause havoc using the very same technology you use to manage your law firm each and every day.
Fill out the form below to download your copy of the complete “Reference Manual of Legal Tech Lists,”! And as a bonus, registrants will receive a copy of the “Legal Tech-to-English Dictionary” from Above the Law and Wolters Kluwer — another piece of our growing legal tech reference library.
Jared Correia, a consultant and legal technology expert, is the host of the Non-Eventcast, the featured podcast of the Above the Law Non-Event for Tech-Perplexed Lawyers.
