One thing you pick up on very quickly in law school is that mum is the word. Conversations on campus run like first dates: no sex, no politics, no discussing the details of the exam immediately after. Unfortunately, according to this Reddit thread, a professor at the University of Arkansas Little Rock William H. Bowen School of Law did not get the memo and leaked a spreadsheet with half of the student body’s GPAs.
That kinda sucks. I assume that this will change the interpersonal dynamics between the cohort in interesting ways. Like finally finding out that the gunner who speaks down to everyone is barely riding the curve. Or that the Venn diagram of the people saying “that test was so hard” and the people who are eligible for the Coif is a lone circle. Maybe someone will run the names and Amy Wax’s racist ass will use this as new fodder for whatever racist argument Penn Law lets her get away with in the name of intellectual freedom.
However, this could be a first as tragedy, then as opportunity moment. Maybe the students will pull a Dubai get personalized jerseys that correspond to their class rank as an inside joke? Maybe the student body could spin this as an opportunity to be more transparent with each other about the law school experience? It would be kind if someone saw the name of a friend who struggled a bit in Torts and invited them a study group. Law school faculty talk a big game about mental health struggles on the trek toward esquire. Given that a fair bit of the discomfort that can arise from being around fellow law students is the worry that you aren’t as good as the people sitting in the same room as you, a bit of the poison might be part of the cure. It’s easy to hear that you got the grade you received not because you are dumb but because of the curve, but the raw data may shed some light on how true that seemingly tired truism actually is. That’s about as far as I am gonna go with helping the faculty cover their behinds with some movie silver lining, anyway.
But seriously — to those affected, I want to say I have no words. What I do have is a series of songs that probably speak to what you are feeling now based on your current GPA. Feel free to peruse the selection for the vibe that fits.
Kendrick Lamar – HUMBLE (Maybe less bragging about your undergrad GPA and more IRACing?)
Tory Lanez & A$ap Ferg – Line Up The Flex (Gratz on the GPA)
Kendrick Lamar – Alright (If you can’t ride the wave, just ride the curve)
Johnny Cash – Hurt (Bottom percentile ain’t rock bottom)
Drake – Make Me Proud (For the folks whose resolution is to do better next semester)
And before I forget, this is for the administration. Do better next time.
Chris Williams became a social media manager and assistant editor for Above the Law in June 2021. Prior to joining the staff, he moonlighted as a minor Memelord™ in the Facebook group Law School Memes for Edgy T14s. He endured Missouri long enough to graduate from Washington University in St. Louis School of Law. He is a former boatbuilder who cannot swim, a published author on critical race theory, philosophy, and humor, and has a love for cycling that occasionally annoys his peers. You can reach him by email at email@example.com and by tweet at @WritesForRent.